Always There In You
by bellatrixvssirius
Summary: Lily Potter kept a diary, from the day her son was born. The day she realized she was destined to die for him. She looks back on the past, her life, her love, and records it all in her diary...When Harry recieves the diary, how will it change his life?
1. Graduation Day

Harry sat down in the Gryffindor common room, for one last time. In a matter of minutes he would be finished Hogwarts forever, and he would probably never be here again.

This place had been his home, for so long. The only place he ever knew as home.

He had grown up by the Dursley's but he had never been a person until he came here. He was someone new when he stepped into the Wizarding World, when he came to Hogwarts. Was it all going to disappear in minutes?

'You ready Harry?' Seamus dashed down the stairs, decked out in his black robes, the cap held firmly in his hand, 'We have to be down there soon!'

'Yeah, I'm coming,' Harry replied vaguely.

Slowly, he leant down looking into the fireplace. It wasn't lit of course, it was almost summer again. It was a beautiful day to be graduating, there was not a cloud in the sky, the Giant Squid was playfully frolicking in the lake, and younger students were found nestled under trees, simply enjoying their last day of term.

'Potter,'

A sharp voice came from behind him. Harry turned his head to see the old Transfiguration professor walking towards him. She was wearing her smartest emerald green robes, her hair pulled into a tight bun.

'What are you doing up here, all alone?' she questioned, stop at the sofa, just behind him.

'Er…waiting for…Ron?' he lied pathetically.

'You should be joyous Potter,' McGonagall scolded, 'You saved the Wizarding World, you survived. You're friends survived, we're all okay. You have a future now. You have…a life. Some people weren't so lucky,'

'I know!' Harry cried, 'Innocent people got caught in my war! It shouldn't have happened! It was my battle to fight!'

'You can't blame yourself for what happened,' she said in a low voice.

Harry kneeled over, burying his head in his hands, 'It never should have happened,'

They were silent for a moment, the only sound, was the firsts years joyous giggles. Finally the Transfiguration professor sighed.

'Potter…I think it's high time I give you what I planned to give you so long ago,'

Harry turned around, he had heard a similar speech like this before, and it didn't end all that well.

'When Dumbledore died…he left a number of things behind, with specific instructions,' the woman said heavily, 'And in those numerous belongings was one letter,'

Harry looked at the woman's emerald eyes, filling with tears and apprehension.

'I was told…to wait, until your graduation day, to give you this…' McGonagall said sadly, 'But that day you left…for war…I just wasn't…I admit I didn't know if there would _be _a graduation day,'

'So…I almost gave it to you then, and in hindsight I think you would be happier if I had given it to you then. But…now…the time is right Potter,'

With that, the older woman plunged her hand into the pocket of her emerald robes, and pulled a small parcel, wrapped in musty brown paper.

'This is for you,'

Harry remained bowed over the package as McGonagall left the room. It was heavy, tied together with string, knotted in a pretty bow at the front.

It looked about ten years old, but why was he being given an ancient box? The parcel was hard with sharp edges, slightly breaking the wrapper.

Slowly, he turned it over, his heart thudding wildly. A white tag was hanging from a piece of his name printed neatly on it, and a simple burgundy wax stamp, two initials stamped in them.

LP.

_LP? Lily Potter?_

With shaking hands, he hooked a finger under the bow, released the package from it's confines. This was it.

He tipped the contents of the envelope onto his hand. A leather bound journal stuffed to the brim of memories.

He opened the front cover slowly. In the front a photo, of two people, about twenty two hugging each other grinning, surrounded by a thin pink heart, two names written underneath.

_Lily and James Potter_

A Gryffindor emblem was in the corner of the cover, different phrases scrawled on the hard cardboard.

He shivered. This couldn't be happening to him. It couldn't be real.

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. It wasn't there. It wasn't there. This wasn't really happening.

Slowly opening his eyes again, they fell onto the first page in his trembling hands.

To my sweet child, 

Oh Harry, it fills me with grief, that I can't be there today. Today, your graduation day. Even now, I am so proud of you. I don't know if my sister ever said that to you, and if she did, she never said it enough. I know, that after I left you, you became the brave, loyal Gryffindor, just like I always knew you would.

Harry, I'm am so very proud of you.

If you are reading this, you know I am gone. And oh Harry, how much I wish it wasn't so. How I wish I could be there with you today, holding you, hugging you, my big, seventeen year old npy, as he goes out into the world.

But I am writing this, now, because I fear that the end is near Harry. I fear that I won't get a chance to tell you all these things in a few years time. So, until it is truly the end my sweet boy, I am going to tell you about me and your father.

You are only one year old, as a write this. You are standing in your crib, bouncing up and down on your small legs. You still don't know how to walk yet .You are so beautiful. I can't believe your mine. Already, you're just like your father. That unruly, infuriating black hair, that never quite sits flat, that cute little nose, the soft lips, and that mischevious little grin you give me, when you know your in trouble.

I've only known you for a matter of twelve months, but already, they have been the sweetest in my life. Already, you have me wrapped around that tiny pink of yours. Just like your dad did when we were in Hogwarts.

Your dad's just walked into the room. He's just come home from work. And Sirius is with him. Sirius is the best godfather you could ever want Harry.

You wrap your arms around your godfather's neck, and give him a large, loving kiss. You are more like Sirius than you know too.

Sirius lifts you onto his shoulders, and over your godfather's crop of hair, you give me a wide grin.

'Momma,' you crow sweetly, reaching your arms out for me. Oh Harry, how I wish I didn't have to leave you! Why does it have to be like this?

Your eyes. They are so beautiful. Everyone says they are mine, and I know it's true. But Harry, you are the most amazing, most…perfect thing I have ever done right.

Your father comes over to me, and places a kiss on my cheek. Your father is amazing. I seem to be in a glorious mood this afternoon Harry, everything is perfect.

I remember the time I met your father, I hated him instantly. It was the end of our sixth year.

'Hi, I'm James Potter,' a cocky boy introduced himself.

'I know,' I said spitefully, wrinkling my nose at him. I had heard of James Potter long before he decided to introduce himself.

'Aren't you going to say hello?' a crony of his leered from over James's shoulder.

'I think not,' I replied, meeting his eyes with a cold glare.

If only they would leave me alone. I was busy, couldn't they see that! I had to study for my OWL'S! I had things to do.

'So…pretty lady,' James continued smoothly, 'What can I call you?'

'You can call me…' I began threateningly, ready to hit him a sharp, sarcastic comment that were always my specialty, but he held up a hand, 'I shall rephrase that…pretty lady, what is your name, and…will you come to the Yule Ball with me,'

'I don't think so,' I sniffed imperiously, 'I don't date lower life forms,'

His friends laughed, whistling, slapping James's back, 'She gotcha mate!' one man laughed.

They were all idiots, I decided. I hated them all. They were all immature little grunts. With no brains.

James disappeared soon, red-faced, scurrying away from me as soon as he could. I was certain that would be the last time that James Potter would ever come near me.

I must go Harry, Sirius just dropped you on your head, but trust me, I'm not finished, we are only just beginning.

With Love,

Mom


	2. Making The Most Of It

**Wow…I'm touched. The response was overwhelming…I feel so loved.**

_Dearest Harry,_

Where was I? Oh…right…meeting your father. After I sent James off, blushing, I thought it would be the last time I ever saw his face. No such luck.

Oh Harry, you're father was such an idiot when he was a teenager. Anyway, James came back, a mere two days later.

Of course, I'd already seen him, attacking Severus. If only I'd acknowledged that Snape was TRUE vermin.

But when James approached me, yet again he was with his massive group of cronies. Oh, how I hated Sirius Black. And Peter Pettigrew, oh bless his soul, such an odd boy. But he has a good heart.

'Lillian,' he greeted cheerfully, producing a bunch of lilies. Ok, how corny was that?

Your father was always big on the cheesy, he embraced the cheesy.

'James,' I replied coolly.

'Have you thought more about my question?' he continued, flashing me his 'charming' grin.

'What question? And how did you find my name?' I asked innocently, looking back down at my book.

'The Yule Ball,' he elaborated, waving his hands for emphasis.

'I repeat, how do you know my name?'

'Oh, it's called a prefect list,' he said sarcastically.

'Wow…you can read?' I shot back sharply.

'Lily, that is NO way to speak to a man who has your best interests at heart!'

'Oooh where is he?' I replied, pretending to look around.

What a little vixen I was then. I teased your father mercilessly, in those days.

The cronies burst out in a loud, raucous laughter, punching James' arm.

'She got' ya man!' the boy with longish, lank black hair. Your godfather was so scruffy when we were in school! His dark eyes were glittering mischievously, as he pushed his best friend out of the way.

'May I introduce myself?' he said smoothly, holding out a hand.

'I think not,' I replied sniffily.

'I'm Sirius Black,' he said, flashing me what he obviously thought was a winning smile. In my opinion it looked like he had a toothache.

'Fantastic,' I replied disinterestedly, turning back to my book.

'So, Lillian…' he began, 'Seeing as you won't go out with my dear friend, would you do me the honour of going out with the much smarter, cuter, and generally better guy?'

'Who Remus?'

I glance at the pale boy behind James. I knew Remus before then, he was in most of my classes. He was a nice guy; he wouldn't pull a stunt like those idiots.

It always puzzled me why they were all friends.

Remus was a prefect that year also, so over the rest of the year we got to know each other quite well. I suppose he's to blame for everything that happened in the end.

I gave him a small wave, and pretended to wink flirtatiously at him.

'Hi Remus…' I said, dropping my voice to a breathy whisper.

I don't know who got a bigger fright, Sirius or Remus.

Sirius leapt away from me, pulling his hand back and wiping it on its robes like something had bitten him. He yelped loudly, and ducked behind James. Remus' already pale face went ghostly white, and his eyes widened.

'What!' he squawked, his jaw dropping.

'Yeah…I only go for the cute…intellectual types,' I murmur, looking up at the boy through my eyelashes.

'I love a guy with glasses,' I say, pretending to love the square, horn-rimmed glasses that Remus wore.

Remus awkwardly brought his hands to brush his glasses, and blushed.

'We should…I should…' Sirius stammered, 'Really…uh get…'

'Go! We should be…GO!' James cried.

With that they turned on their heel, and sprinted away from me, leaving Remus standing there, watching me incredulously.

'L-lily…' he tried softly, 'You're not…you know I'm…'

'It's okay Remus,' I laughed, 'I know you've got a huge crush of Stephanie. I won't do anything. I promise,'

His should dropped with relief, and his face relaxed into a grin, 'Ok then, see ya Lil,'

I didn't take into account that James would pay attention to what I said. The next day he came back, his ego back in tact again. I had just finished Advanced Potions with old Slughorn, when he found me.

'Hi there Lily,' he said, sauntering up to me.

I took in his appearance and snorted very loudly.

'Are you serious?' I laughed at him, looking him up and down.

Scruffy James Potter had taken it one step further than I thought possible. His untidy black hair had been sleeked back, obviously by some sort of spell. He was wearing his Hogwarts robes for once, and a crisp, pressed white shirt was tucked into his trousers. He had exchanged trainers for shiny black shoes, polished so I could almost see my reflection, and he was carrying a stack of books under his left arm.

I met his eyes and began laughing even harder. A pair of round, geeky glasses were perched jauntily on his nose, his blue eyes shining through them.

He looked like…he looked like Remus!

'What happened to you?' I giggled.

'Nothing,' he replied, pronouncing every letter in the word, putting extra emphasis on the 'o'. What a change from his usual slang.

He frowned indignantly, and looked up at me over the rim of his glasses.

'I just thought I would come say hello to you,'

Oh Merlin. He had even gotten speaking lessons from Remus.

'How nice,' I said sarcastically, 'Now what do you want?'

I was so horrible to your father in those days!

'I told you,' he said, his face morphing into a mask of hurt, 'I just wanted to say hello,'

'Riiiighhhtt…where'd you get the glasses from?'

I began laughing again, unable to get over how ridiculous he looked in those glasses.

James turned a bright shade of red, and mumbled something or other. As the other class members passed by us, they punched his shoulder, teasing him about the new look.

'So…' he cleared his throat, lifting his hands, to run through hair, realizing that it was all slicked back, 'er… could I possibly carry your books to your next class?'

I had Astronomy next. That was the other side of the castle, and I had so many books to carry. He didn't know what he was getting himself into.

'Sure,' I replied sweetly, sliding my bag of my shoulder, and handing it to him.

'Oof,'

I grinned, watching James struggle to hoist the bag into his arms.

'Are you sure it's not too heavy. I could understand if you're not strong enough…I mean you're pretty scrawny,' I said innocently, with wide eyes.

'No!' he said sharply, 'I'm stronger than I look!'

'Ok, Lets go,'

Five minutes later, I was trotting ahead of him, linked up placidly with my friends.

'How are you going back there James?' I holler, turning my head to look at him.

'Erugh…' he replied.

James was almost doubled over, struggling under the weight of the books he was carrying, plus the books of mine.

'How…far…now?' he panted.

'Oh, we just have to climb up these stairs, and then we'll be there,'

'Hurry up James,' Stephanie insisted beside me, 'If we're late, you're in trouble,'

He groaned, and trailed after us again.

I thought that I had gotten rid of James Potter for good. If the weight of my books alone weren't enough to give him a heart attack, it would at least deter him from me.

I thought wrong.

The next day, I came out of the girls dorm, to find James, waiting by the staircase.

'I thought maybe…I could escort you to breakfast. I'd carry your books for you. We have the same class first,' he said hopefully, extending an arm for me to put my bag on.

I didn't even know James and I shared a class. I had Advanced DADA first. How strange. James and Advanced didn't go together.

I rolled my eyes. He didn't know when to quit did he?

'It'll be ok James,' I assure him, and then flounce down the stairs past him.

'Wait! Lily!' he cried.

'What?'

He was infuriating. GO AWAY! I wanted to scream.

'Can I at least walk down with you and your friends?'

I turned to Susan and Chloe. They shrugged nonchalantly, and so I turned back to him.

'Ok,'

Oh Harry. It's your bedtime, and if I don't put you to sleep you'll be screaming all night. But when I get the chance, I'll tell you about our first transfiguration class together!

Love,

Mom

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